legroom (legr00m) wrote in notes_2_my_ex,

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An apology for what it's worth now...

It's been nearly 6 months; and I've thought about you everyday...

For what it's worth; I will try and explain why I did it...

We were very good friends all those years ago; you were breaking up with your husband, my fianceé had just left me...we found each other and everything happened.

You have to know that I loved you very deeply and I still do; but not in the way that you need or either of us deserve. I know that leaving you when I did was about the worst thing I could do; imagine how bad it would have been if I had left it..?

I want you to know that the 'other girl' was only the kick up the ass I needed to get out of the relationship, cold I know. Nothing happened between us while I was with you, after us, she and I had 2 very intense months and then it burnt out. I haven't seen her since Nov and not spoken to her since Dec.

Was the grass greener? The grass was very green but astroturf...in the long run will I be happier? I don't know, but hopefully you can be happier without me.

I think about you and the cats everyday and have nominated a bunch of songs that i reserve for when I think about you and our boys. On the worst nights I drink a bottle of your favourite liquor and watch a slide-show of the few pictures I have of the cats...I get depressed and drink very fast. I do a bottle in about an hour and then pass out. I always make sure I finish the bottle don't know why but I do. Every time I have a drink at home or in a bar I drink a silent toast to you.

I worry about you everyday; should I have left, should I have done it differently? The answers are yes and yes...I couldn't have been a bigger coward if I had tried and for that I have to apologise although I know you wouldn't accept it.

I have truly devastated your life and for that I will never forgive myself; I hope that you find someone who can give you what you want; I wish you every happiness in life now and everyday. I hope I see you one day and I see that your dream comes true...you deserve it and the world needs what you would bring to it.
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