My Computer Hates Me (heaventonight) wrote in notes_2_my_ex,
My Computer Hates Me

Day 3: Chain smoking, not sleeping, only eating occassionally

It's been three days since you dumped me. Let's recap:
-This is the SECOND TIME you've dumped me
-You cheated on me
-BUT cheating on me made you realize that you REALLY LOVE ME (Gosh, golly!)
-BUT you've realized that you need to go to AA and not be in a relationship for a year. Despite the fact you've told me this 3 TIMES and have never actually done it, you made it sound like you gave me a definitive timeline.
-AND IF I really love you like I say I do, I'll be willing to stay friends with you and wait a year to see if we're still interested in each other.
-AND IF I really love you like I say I do, I'll be there for you, support you, and talk you out of drinking if you get too depressed. Like I have always done.

You broke my heart once, but I believed your pretty lies about wanting to change and took you back. I was the one who always compromised, never you. I waited and put my life and plans on hold for you. Because I love you, and wanted to prove it. You are the only man I've ever trusted. The only man I could be naked in front of without feeling ashamed of my body. The only man I've ever truly loved.

And now I am pieces of the woman I was only a few days ago, and I have only myself to blame.

You called me and left messages asking if we were 'cool'?

What part of you shattering my trust and leading me on makes you think we're 'cool'?

We will never be 'cool.'

I hope when you call and say you love me and get no response, you suffer. I hope you think of me and feel sick and guilty. I hope that, if nothing else comes out of this, you will know at least one ounce of the hurt I feel right now.

And yet, if you called me and asked me to be your girlfriend again, I know I'd take you back.

So who is the real douchebag here?

On a side note, I sent all your shit to your post office box. My Mom was so freakin' excited our relationship had ended she paid for it to be shipped over night (which cost a pretty penny). I guess that should give me some clue to how we are percieved by others.

I love you. I really, really love, but you shattered me.
For my own sanity, I need you away from me.
I need the chance to move on with my life.
For once, I have to look out for myself instead of you.
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