mallory (friendofyours) wrote in notes_2_my_ex,

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Let go of your tears...

This was the crazy angry, stepping-out-of-myself email I sent to Matt, after I found out he had sex with another girl in my sheets, while I was away... I actually found her by chance, on MySpace, after remembering a name and phone number that was written on a piece of paper I found in his pocket when I was doing HIS laundry for him... I sound a little like a maniac, but I'm sure most of you girls will understand... all I did was let lose and say exactly what I wanted to say, in the tone that reflected exactly how I was feeling at the moment...

Subject said: A guy walks into a bar and says...

OUCH! that's because it was a crowbar, and attatched to it were the hands of his STUPID fucking ex-girlfriend who just found out what a phony he is....

here it goes, matt. so i was playing on myspace as per the usual, reading interesting profiles, and then i stumbled upon this girl whose name was shannon and was from wasaga beach. of course my curiosity got the best of me, only because i specifically remembered seeing a little yellow piece of paper with her name on it, which i accidentally found in the pocket of your green pants when i was taking stuff out of them to do YOUR laundry for you one day.... i remember asking you why you had so many girls emails and numbers, and you saying they meant nothing and that you never tried to get ahold of the girls. well so anyway, i read shannon's last blog because it was entitled "my summer." oh and it was dated august 30th i believe. here, why don't i just show you want the part about you said?

Enough about that.. I deceided to get two tattoos this summer, a treble clef on my right wrist and a bass clef on my left wrist.. I should have left it at that...but instead I had to get involved with the guy who did my tattoos..At first he seemed really nicee, and cute...and pretty cool..He wanted to hang out so we did a couple times...he turned out to be a complete dick..He had two personalities. His one personality was nice, warm, fun to be with, cuddly, someone you would like to be with a lot...then there was his other personality who was rude, who lied, kinda cowardly, and just a fucking asshole basically...Sorry that things ended out like that.. we were getting to be friends...your lost Matt!! Hes leaving soon to go back home..but he'll be back next summer....moving on....

so yeah. we started talking, and then when she found out a few lies, she told me to add her to msn so we could talk more. let me say, i felt bad for this girl for being played, and i was VERY angry after realizing my entire relationship with you was ONE GREAT BIG FUCKING LIE. i found a lot of things funny, things she asked me about...

for instance, when she said that:

- you told her my gilmore girls dvds were yours because they're your "fave"

- she slept in that room with you, AND had sex with you, while all of my stuff was still there, including my blankets and pillows... (especially since i asked you if you had any girls there and you said NO. fucker.)

- that the last time you guys hung out was august 15th, and that a couple days before that you told her you had to wait to hang out because "work was hectic" (meanwhile you were just waiting for me to move my SHIT OUT.)

- you told her you OWNED a "pent house or condo" in london.

- she told you all you were to her was a travelling tattoo artist

- you had 2 personalities, partly because of "those damn perks" you were addicted to! (hahaha, i wasn't crazy, it's true!) and how she said she noticed you went "sour" when you were off them and were nice again when you took them.

- it was always you who wanted to hang out with her.. emailing, messaging, texting.

- (the best one so far i think) you and the guys all got tested for STDs every week because you work with needles!!! (AHAHAHA, wow, what a bullshitter you are. poor girl.)

- you guys need to make better choices (after she asked if slash was a player too and when i told her that the only time he went to the clinic was when the girl he fucked thought she had the clap)

- (another funny one) you said you are not the type of guy who sleeps around.. (AHAHAHA FUCK OFF, YOU LYING BASTARD!)

i couldn't believe it. it's as bad as finding out you cheated on me. and now i have every reason to believe you did anyway. wow. i knew you tended to lie sometimes, but i didn't realize you were a compulsive one! i fucking wasted so much of my heart and time on you. what the fuck did you think you were doing?? i bet any money that those 2 months you spent avoiding me last winter really were spent FUCKING some fucking OTHER GIRLS. as of now, i think i should just assume everything you ever told me, ever, was a huge LIE. you are nothing but a phony coward, matt bruhn (if that's even your real fucking name!!!) you gotta lie to girls and make them think you give a FUCK about them, in order to feel better about yourself, because you know deep down that the real you is just a fucking loser. you told me you were afraid of commitment.. BULL SHIT. you're just afraid that people won't love the real you, so you fucking lie your way through life eh? what were you thinking, telling me you were going to marry me and that you loved me and that you never loved anyone that much?? you DIDN'T fucking love me, matt, i was just CONVENIENT for you at the time, isn't that right?! i feel bad that you have to live life the lame way by being a lying creep who only cares about short term pleasures. i have never met anyone who's as big of a phony as you are, matt. it's so sad because i actually FUCKING LOVED YOU, so much. and you did nothing to stop me. you encouraged it, knowing it was based on a lie. you didn't give a fuck that at some point you were going to ditch me, did you? because i was with you at the moment and you got all the sex you wanted and everything. but i don't know why you brought me to the beach with you when you knew how easy it would be to fuck a bunch of chicks there every night. it baffles me. you don't know how to love. you know how easy it is to make a girl love you, but it's pointless because it doesn't even matter in the long run anyway. you made all these plans with me, they were so great but that's because they wouldn't be happening anyway. fuck you. i've never been so angry at anyone before. fuck everything about you. fuck introducing me to your family, who probably predicted i was nothing special because they've probably met a lot of your girls who just come and go. fuck the fucking tattoos i'm stuck with, which i can't even get covered up. fuck that you even drew me one that matched yours! ha! fuck your fucking emails and notes. fuck all the stupid pictures i have of you. fuck having to say "fuck" more times in this email than i ever have before, because of how fucking pissed off i am. fuck love, fuck sex, fuck money, fuck lies, fuck sluts, fuck manwhores. "not the kind of guy who sleeps around" hahaha FUCK THAT. you loser. i can't believe this. fuck you being a tattoo artist, my jukebox doesn't even look that good because some of the lines don't even connect and the colours aren't all solid. fuck you thinking you're the greatest fucking guy in the world. fuck calling me gorgeous, you're so full of shit. don't ever use the word LOVE in your vocabulary every again please, to anyone, you'll just FUCK UP THEIR LIFE. fuck robert smith, and mike ness, and ben weasel, i hate them all right now! YOU RUINED THEM FOR ME. you ruined a lot of things for me. you ruined tattoos, and i can never have a 50s wedding now EVER, you ruined my shoes, my bed, my room, my apartment, wasaga beach, guys in general, half my playlist, jack daniels, forrest gump, walk the line, and many other things for me.

i loved you up until tonight. while i thought i knew you. whoever the guy is that you were trying to be when you were "caring," tell him about me, and that it was actually him who i was interested in. as for matt bruhn, well he can go fuck himself with his tattoo machine some more. he doesn't appreciate life for what it's actually worth.

bye, loser. (and this time i actually mean it, i'm not just calling you one because it's cute anymore.)
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