mallory (friendofyours) wrote in notes_2_my_ex,

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Not over it

Another email I didn't send to Matt, but was going to...

aug. 30 '06

i just, i miss you and please don't make it harder...

you can't just expect me to not miss you at all or not talk to you at all, you just changed your mind like that and i was left feeling the same way, and now i'm so alone and i hate it and i'm not going to be able to find someone else who will love me very easily. no one like you especially. i just wish, ahh everything was fine the way it was! i hate the way my life is right now. i was happy with you because i always had something to look forward to... you...

now i can't even find a job again and i don't have anyone here. i don't want to be here with no one, i want to be somewhere else with you right now, i just wish i could hug you or you would at least be positive to me and tell me i'm going to be alright instead of being so mean to me, before you did anything to not hurt me. and you said you weren't going to and you did.. and sorry i'm not meaning to make you feel bad i am just saying.. because i feel bad... and yes i'm just a stupid girl. but i don't get why you were so happy with me before and then boom you weren't anymore?

it was already a year ago that i started talking to you after i moved last summer. no matter what i do i can't get you out of my head, i have dreams or memories when i look at certain things, just being here does it... what ever happened to the fate idea? how you were supposed to lose me once to know you were meant to be with me... so much for that? i still think its not fair you got a second chance no problem, but then when you make a decision it's final...?

do you really live there and sleep in that room and do things we used to do or see things that have to do with me, and not think of me at all one bit do you ever at least miss me being around at certain times, i mean just in general? to me there has to be a reason i still feel the way i do about you.... i mean yeah i have been dumped before, but i am going crazy here... i am going crazy in the way that you were before you moved here, when being alone wasn't good enough... just thinking of me wasn't good enough. i miss you just as much as that right now, if not more. i say all this because i mean it. you have no idea what you meant to me. what you still mean to me, why won't you let someone just love you? what were you afraid of?

all my music is ruined, it all instantly makes me think of you. i hate this matt. fuck..

the cure, mike ness, rancid, steve earl, the pixies, postal service, death cab, tiger army, bouncing souls, velvet underground, avril lavigne, kelly clarkson, down by law, saves the day, something corporate, sublime, ben weasel, johnny cash, joaquin phoenix, blink 182, neil young, don mclean, buddy holly, ritchie valens, misfits, billy idol, spirit of the west, meat loaf, lynyrd skynyrd, platinum blonde, air supply, wham, green day, stiff little fingers, joe strummer, weezer, waylon jennings, transplants, unwritten law, everclear, mxpx, the shins, plain white t's, john lennon, gram parsons, smashing pumpkins, john cougar concentrationcamp, the buzzcocks, pulley, the ramones... and more and more and more.

that's half my music library. hahaha.

can't you visit me on your way to london or something? :(

i'm so scared you're going to fall in love with some pretty girl and run away with her forever and ever and i'll never see you again, ever. true story.

i wasn't ready for this at all.... i'm sorry.
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